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<title>as the cup overflows by rain_at_dawn</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437086">as the cup overflows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rain_at_dawn/pseuds/rain_at_dawn'>rain_at_dawn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>stars, scattered [30]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SHINee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Band Fic, Introspection, M/M, Soft feelings, Stream of Consciousness, it's not jjong's birthday but i felt like it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:55:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,058</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rain_at_dawn/pseuds/rain_at_dawn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>19. things you said when we were the happiest we ever were.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Jonghyun/Lee Jinki | Onew</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>stars, scattered [30]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>as the cup overflows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompted by @jinkicious on Twitter</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On a Saturday spring day, he’s reminded that he’s not alone.</p><p><em>‘it’s your birthday’</em>, the text from Jinki reads and instead of the usual froth of existential dread Jonghyun usually pictures on receiving such a reminder, happiness blossoms. <em>‘what do you feel like.’</em></p><p>He feels like himself, which isn’t better or worse than past years. It’s this feeling that hovers over him, clouding his day – <em>his</em> day, he reminds himself with some amusement, making a mental note of the pun to relay to Jinki later – marking the time on his wristwatch. Happiness does not gush forth in a tidal wave as much as it blooms in tiny clusters of precious moments.</p><p>Taeyeon sends him a bunch of baby’s breath, the stems held together with knotted twine. He looks up the symbolism on his phone: purity, sincerity, innocence. All of these strike him as strange reminders on his birthday.</p><p>
  <em>‘i haven’t been any of these in a long time, noona :/’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘oh?’</em>
</p><p><em>‘oh?’, </em>he sends back to her, a subtle demand for an explanation.</p><p>It arrives after fifteen minutes: <em>‘wasn’t thinking too much about it…but it suits you…baby’s breath is a pretty name, yeah?...’</em></p><p>Something about the sentiment warms him. The flowers will join some of the bigger bouquets he’d already received in his bedroom; they will be the smallest, but no less loved.</p><p>Jinki texts him again.</p><p>
  <em>‘what do you feel like?’</em>
</p><p>Jonghyun realizes he’s asking what he feels like doing.</p>
<hr/><p>Existing.</p><p>To exist at the same time, in the same space, as someone beloved. Wasn’t that the most beautiful thing? It’s a sentiment he doesn’t expect most people to understand; Jinki is one of the exceptions.</p><p>A balmy spring day like this one deserves to be lived in, so that’s what Jonghyun sets out to do. He brings out the old bicycle he’d learnt how to ride for the first time in his early twenties and walks it down a quiet part of Hangang, alongside Jinki. The white paint on the metal frame has chipped in places over the years, though it sparkles in the sunlight.</p><p>Appropriately, Jinki begins humming the chorus to ‘End of a Day’. It’s four o’clock, a midpoint between the noontime slump and the evening restlessness native to Seoul. So not quite the end just yet.</p><p>Jonghyun listens and listens, guessing at the sounds of the universe that filtered into his conscious. He wonders if the cosmos listens to him in return. Listening has a weight to itself that rings in his ears; he turns to Jinki, hoping he can take his mind off it.</p><p>Jinki looks up at just the right time, a smile on its way to curve the lower half of his face as he speaks, “How’re you feeling?”</p><p>“How was your day?” Jonghyun counters, not yet ready to look back into himself.</p><p>“I slept in. I woke up. Had lunch. Then came out here with you.” With a sideways tilt of his head, the smile seems to shift towards gravity. “It’s nice. Starting my day like this.”</p><p>“Even when it’s almost coming to an end?”</p><p>“It won’t while you’re still here.”</p><p>They keep walking, shadows growing as the sun continues its descent westwards. It’s like being caught in a time capsule of sorts; the old bicycle and the old friend, and the newness of this type of familiarity sparking something inside Jonghyun. It all feels so dear somehow, the simple ordinariness of each step in no particular direction.</p><p>He thought he’d had something more profound to commemorate such a moment, but instead, he finds himself whispering, “Thank you.”</p><p>Jinki hears. Jinki understands.</p><p>“You’re welcome. I’m thankful too. It’s nice like this.”</p><p>Maybe it’s not so much happiness as it is contentment. In any case, Jonghyun resolves to savor it, save each second in his memory.</p><p>He keeps one hand on one of the handlebars, still steering the bicycle on foot, while reaching out with the other in a silent gesture.</p><p>
  <em>Stay with me. A little while longer.</em>
</p><p>Jinki takes his hand, just as quietly. Back when they used to live together at the dorm, it was Jinki’s hand that would reach to give his a squeeze during bouts of sleep paralysis brought on by schedule-induced insomnia. It has the same effect now; Jonghyun feels grounded. Even better, he likes it for a change.</p><p>“I’m happy, Jinki.”</p><p>“That makes me happy too.”</p><p>“It’s weird.”</p><p>The reassuring squeeze again. Another little moment in a series which feeds into the peace that’s settled inside him. The sky above him is blue instead of black and that sort of feeling feels out of place at a time like this, in a person like him.</p><p>“Nothing’s really happened either. I’m just another year older.”</p><p>“That’s an achievement in itself.” Jinki’s hand pulls his, bringing them both to a slow halt. “You don’t have to feel like you’ve earned it.”</p><p>“I know. I mean… I guess I should know.”</p><p>Jinki doesn’t say anything. He takes up Jonghyun’s hand and seems to examine it, tracing the outline of each knuckle.</p><p>Then: “Just feel it. It’s your day. And even if you don’t know how, it’s okay. I’ll feel it all for you.”</p><p>The breath catches in Jonghyun’s throat. It’s like all the little things from today have coalesced into a formless rush of emotion that’s too great for his body to contain. Day and night have come together, the light and dark corners of his mind encroaching into each other’s spaces.</p><p>He reaches for Jinki again; his arms wrap around his shoulders and his head, so full of its own reckonings, comes to rest near the crook of his neck. The universe stills.</p>
<hr/><p>“Tell me about the day we met.”</p><p>“I thought you were older than me, remember? And wiser.”</p><p>He lands a light punch on Jinki’s shoulder, hardly enough to lose his balance behind him, the two of them onboard his old bicycle. “Anything else?”</p><p>“You seemed so sure of yourself.”</p><p>“You know better now.”</p><p>“I do. And it’s okay. We’re all a little unfinished.”</p><p>They turn round the bend which would take them back to the beginning of the trail. Another likely story in which Jonghyun could guess the ending; in any case, he tightens his hold around Jinki’s waist and allows himself to dream, drifting ever so slightly off the beaten path.</p>
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